The strangest thing I have experienced recently is being afraid to publicly announce how happy and grateful I am for what the universe has given me. I began a gratitude journal about a year ago and I never anticipated that it would change my life the way it has. The universe has given me the sweetest family to spend time with, in the happiest home with the brightest children I have ever met. Steph and Jay are colleagues and also my friends/family and their kids are the light of my life. I spend weekends with the kids and we do yoga, play games and crafts. In the evenings, I’ll have a glass of wine with Jay and Steph and chat about life.
The friends I’ve made in Newfoundland and Labrador are by far the most incredible women I have ever met. Two in particular never cease to amaze me with their genuineness, kindness and realness. I’m never afraid to be myself around Sinead Mercier and Katie Breen; I know they will always be supportive but honest with me. While being so different from one another, they are both extremely smart, strong and independent women. Surprisingly, both are uncomfortable with affection which I unleash on both without hesitation and I couldn’t care less when they cringe at my efforts to hug them. This past weekend, Sinead flew in to town and planned the most incredible 30 birthday for me and the girls; I was beyond grateful and almost felt guilty for how much she did. I didn’t think I deserved it but was so genuinely happy that she felt that I did.
I recently found my memo, and we’ve reconnected and her babies make me the happiest person on the planet. We facetime and I get to see my munchkins chubby faces and we talk about life, money, family, food and day-to-day things. Seeing her in her home with her husband and little family brings me so much joy and I am so excited to be a part of days. I tell her everything and she lets me be exactly who I want to be without judgement. She’s excited for me and I’m over the moon.
My job and my passion for medicine/healthcare forces me to want to pursue higher education and to be a part of the conversation that is changing the lives of patients in this province. I’m finally understanding the complicated mess that is healthcare and how it is deeply pulled and pushed by politics, the media and MONEY. I don’t want to burn out trying to making a change, I want to be the change on a smaller scale for individuals that I work with, collaborate with, the government agencies I function within, the institutions that are operated by real people and hopefully that will translate to better care for our patients. My gift has been building bridges and I know that if we build better connections between real people and their stories we can make an impact that transcends the bureaucratic processes that have been implemented centuries ago.
I am in no way saying that my life is not without its challenges and difficulties; this practice has given me the chance to refocus my attention on the positives. I do feel guilty for how happy I am though and how wonderful my life is. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that if I post about it on my Instagram that it may be perceived as me flaunting it and that it may hurt others who may be going through rough times. But I still want to acknowledge how much my life has changed in the last few years and it all comes down to my own perceptions and actions.
I struggled for years to view myself in a positive light, and I continue to struggle with it but I am honest about where I am and who I am with myself. I know that I have poor time management skills that I promise to do more than I actually can achieve and talk about myself too much. On the flip side, I also know that most people see these as genuine personal quirks and I know that I have more good to offer than the negative qualities I possess. I don’t take myself too seriously and enjoy laughing at the silly things I’ve done and will continue to do and then I share them with everyone and hope they’ll laugh with me.