What is the one memory you cherish most? It will tell you more about who you are and what drives your soul.
My most cherished memory of all time is waking up early for school, and walking down my street in my safe and familiar neighborhood. The crispness of the air, the brand new school supplies in my bag, the sheer excitement to go back to school. It wasn’t because I was excited to see my friends or teachers, it was the sheer glory and joy of being able to be go learn.
I constantly craved knowledge and answers. It wasn’t to understand how things worked nor was it to fix things; it was a desire to understand how and why things went wrong. I didn’t want to be the hero who solved the problem with the bandage, I wanted to be the revolutionary that would help prevent the problem from ever happening. I wanted everyone to feel the feeling I felt when I could explain things and then fix them.
I’ve learned over the years, that answers are hard to come by. Sometimes answers are half truths, sometimes they distort reality and sometimes they depended on perspective and bias. There were short, and long answers, complex and complicated answers and sometimes there were silent answers. Ultimately, answers didn’t seem to be enough to understand things which became exhausting and they didn’t solve problems.
Difficult experiences often beg for answers and understanding, like why someone you love has gone to tremendous lengths to hurt you or belittle you, when in reality their role in your life was that of a primary care-giver, protector and guardian. Sometimes, we don’t have the chance to understand others actions, but we have every opportunity to understand our own actions, reactions and experiences. And to also make peace with them by learning to let them go. What we hold closest also has the potential to hurt us the most.
Meditation is an extremely challenging task when you’re feeling heavy with emotional baggage. But it’s also the most liberating experience when you learn to acknowledge those uneasy feelings, accept them and release them from your thoughts. How do you do this? Well, Headspace creator, Andy Puddicombe says to convince yourself that your thoughts are the clouds in the sky, and that when they are gloomy, they are dark, stormy clouds and that happy experiences are fluffy ones that we see on a warm sunny day. When negative thoughts come to the surface, you acknowledge them, you know they are there (so you don’t ignore them), but you simply allow them to pass by you as you are looking up at the sky.
I use Headspace every day after I workout at the gym and either sit in the sauna, do a headstand or in downward dog pose. I find that being in an active pose, helps my brain not to wander and to stay present. I usually leave the sauna feeling extremely grateful and happy.