I look back with so much gratitude for 2018, I still can’t believe that I could ever say that about any other year in my life. It was the most transformative months of my life and I owe a lot of it to someone I let go in that year. In 2018, I was given the opportunity to be in complete control of every aspect of my life and through the many mistakes, I learned more about who I really want to be.
Love: When I met Tyler, I kept him as my little secret for a while fearing that it may not work out. Now that we’ve separated amicably, I can’t say there’s been a single person in my life that I valued more. He set the bar so high and not in the traditional way for all future relationships. He is the most sensible man I have ever met, who supports and loves without condition. I felt cushioned in his embrace, I knew that he would never let me delude myself into believing I was always right. He helped me see myself with clarity and kindness, something I struggled with for years. We are still friends and his family continues to be a very important part of my life. They represent love in every sense of the word and I will never forget it.
Friends: Following my move to St. John’s, I made a deliberate effort to make many new friends with anyone who wanted to. Through the many adventures and misadventures, I found strong, caring and compassionate women who became my tribe. I also met numerous women, who were wonderful but that I had to choose to distance myself from. It was liberating to say to myself, that I did not need a certain type of energy or personality in my life and that I was okay with not being friends with everyone or have the need to be liked by everyone I met.
Work: My job has been the biggest gift of 2018. I can’t stress this enough and can’t stop from feeling an immense amount of gratitude that the universe handed me this incredible opportunity. I don’t feel I deserve it, but I wake up every day wanting to prove that I am worthy of it and worthy of being in the company of some of the smartest folks in NL. I can’t wait to contribute more to both PHAC and NL, because they have both given me more than I could have ever dreamed of.
Health: In 2017, I took part in every community event in Labrador. I wanted to be outside and enjoying the wilderness and taking in every bit of it. I feel extremely lucky that I was able to hike a few of the trails of the ECT. It’s something I want to continue to do every chance I get and take in the scenic beauty of this Island. In my new apartment I have a yoga studio, and it’s my favorite room. I love being able to do yoga in the comfort of my home but still have the option to do hot yoga in town.
Family: I miss them so deeply but I am grateful for what this year gave me. A chance to build new bridges with respectful boundaries. I can safely say, that shame and guilt are experiences I can recognize and respond to appropriately. I feel a complete self of freedom knowing that I no longer hide anything and feel at peace.
2019: This year, I’d like to work on being early because I struggle with being late to everything. I also want to bite off smaller things and not add too much to my plate. I know that I’ll be busy volunteering lots with Let’s Talk Science, RIAC teaching English and training folks on how to administer Naloxone with the Take Home Naloxone program. I’d like to be able to save for a house this year and also complete my Yoga Teacher Training this year. Getting a solid MCAT score is definitely high on my priority list. Spending quality time with friends, building my relationship with family and working out consistently are part of my daily priorities that I’d like to achieve some consistency with. Aside from that, I just want to spend every day with deliberation and to fill them with all that’s good so that when those inevitable bad ones come, I have the skills and mechanisms to see through the darkness.